James’s Kiss And The Aroused Censor Board

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JanPratinidhi

James’s Kiss And The Aroused Censor Board


EDITOR'S PICK / From the pen of Jitendra Varma   /   Nov 24, 2015

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James Bond’s Spectre is another test for Indians’ morality. The kissing scenes were longish in the movie so the censor board in its infinite wisdom cut them short. I think some board members use the scissors when they start feeling uncomfortable and aroused. So while censoring the Spectre scenes they must have started with a yawn, then discomfort then arousal and then the awful secret must have dawned on them that the kiss was so dangerous for the Indians. Just imagine if it can have this kind of effect on them, the members of the board, some of the most celibate purists on the earth then what will it do to the billions of Indians. The kiss will destroy the vast Indian civilization so assiduously built by people just like them since the ages, and once again it is there to undo everything which we call our ancient culture. The members felt so empowered; they will save 1.2 billion unsuspecting Indian souls from brink of falling in the arms of the wily devil and will bring them back to the ways of God. The responsibility to save the moral fabric of society from getting tattered by the prolonged kissing scene rode heavily on their shoulders.  

 

Now the big question to answer was how much length of the kiss should be allowed. The question was not academic. It was real big one. Kissing has already been allowed to the billion plus sheep of India. And it could not have been completely cut. That would establish India as a regressive society. So it had to be a small kissing scene which may neither go back on permit already given to the people nor long enough to destroy the morality of the people. They all had to decide the exact moment of the kiss when the moral kiss turns to an immoral one for the nation. The enormity of the task was mind bending. All the members were of different opinion about the exact second when kissing became deadly for the people. Each was speaking of its own endurance and ability to withstand the onslaught of the immoral kissing. And finally they decided the length. And voila we have discovered the exact measure of the fine line between the moral and the immoral Indian.

 

And in Khajuraho some sculptures of couple in coitus decided to change their stance to brotherly kiss on the forehead, and Vatsayan, wherever he might be, started writing of history. Poor fellow, he did not know that he was entering into another of the most pressing occupation of present day India, interpretation of its cultural history. 

 

One should really ask these exalted puritans as to define the average Indian they have in their mind when they do what they do.  When they visualize the average Indian for censoring kissing scene do they also factor in the tobacco stained, teeth, the immense stench of gutka, the touch of gum infection, the cigarette and the onions, garlic and everything else thrown in the kiss. Is it the erotic part of the kiss which gets the censors goatee or the thought of the yukky filth ridden kiss which makes it so abhorrent.  Is the average Indian so pure that he hardly knows what to do when in a sexual act? Is India one of the worlds’ most porn savvy countries just to learn how to hold hands with the opposite sex? Well by reducing the length of the kiss the censor board has done its contribution to the cultural cause of this mighty country in reducing the crime rate of the nation.

 

Such kind of act is so symptomatic of thinking in black and white or I would call it an ostrich-like attitude of the entire decision-making government bodies that it becomes farcical, quixotic, inept so much reflective of what kind of people are being empowered to permit what we are supposed to eat, drink, see, fun and pleasure. Just like handing over the charge of our life to some imbeciles.

 

Politicians; the fundamentalists; the GOI statutory bodies; the censor board; the culture ministry and the moral police of this country have decided that they are the best judge of Indian morality. They have taken upon themselves to save the nation from moral depravation. They indulge into almost everything which is immoral and corrupt, but they take special vigor in correcting the society. It is really pathetic when the whole country is assumed to be made of sex fiends who would go out in the country kissing passionately thus creating flood of sex crimes across India. It also sends out messages to the whole world population that the people of India are having a trigger happy libido and the whole army of government agencies are out to rein it by censoring the same.

 

Pathetic has acquired a new meaning. 

 

(image courtesy: http://goo.gl/nli39E)

 


The views expressed here are those of the authors and doesn’t reflect the official policy of Janpratinidhi. The views expressed here are those of the authors and doesn’t reflect the official policy of Janpratinidhi.
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